The Explanation

So, I promised that I would explain the title of the blog...here it goes:

Because of Dane's brain bleeds and his birth weight he qualifies for services through the DDD (Division of Developmental Disabilities), this is a state run early intervention program. This is what provides Dane his in home therapies. Qualifying for the DDD has also put me in contact with many other organizations, so I am always getting packets in the mail about programs and resources for kids with disabilities. One day I received a packet from Raising Special Kids, and this is the first thing that I pulled out of the packet...

Welcome to Holland
By Emily Peri Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip--to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed us in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around...And you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...in Holland.

I realized that SO many of us end up in Holland, this story inspired me, not only has a Mom to a baby with special needs, but as woman trying to navigate through this life...trusting that God has the ultimate flight plan!

3 shots in the thigh!

I snapped this pic in the doc's office before the shots...how come babies are so stinkin happy before shots!!! Then other one is the result of the shots...a very sleepy wonderfully grouchy boy!

Well, yesterday Dane received his six month shots and he was a trooper...until today! Yesterday he slept most of the day and so far today you can tell that he just isn't feeling too hot (unless I am carrying him around with me, not sitting, CARRYING). He had PT with Miss M. and was very grouchy, so I held him while she worked with stretching him. I have to say how thankful I am that we have such a great physical therapist, she sincerely cares about Dane and I love how excited she gets when he does something new. Even though he wasn't feeling like himself, he managed a few smiles for Miss M!!! What a guy!

His weight as of yesterday was 16lbs 6oz! He is in the 30th percentile for his weight...and that is for is chronological age...not his adjusted age! This is HUGE, most micro preemies won't catch up for at least a year or two!!! He is also right on track developmentally for his adjusted age, he is doing everything that a "normal" 3 month old should is doing, he is even ahead on some things. I can't tell you how proud I am of him, he has had a tough little life and has proven to be such a fighter!

So, I finally did it!

Well, everyone has been bugging me to get this blog up and running...so here we go! At first I thought that now that Dane is home from the hospital, no one would be too interested in anything going on in our humble home. I have realized that if this blog is for no one other than some other Mom of micro preemie looking for hope, then that is the best reason I could have!

So, some of you may be wondering why my page is titled "Life in Holland"?!? Well, if you don't already know...you will have to wait until another day for me to explain that one! I promise it will be worth the wait!

This is the story of how blessed our family is that God chose us to raise Dane. Dane was an unexpected pregnancy...you see my hubby and I have a 16 year old and a 10 year...we thought that our family was complete! I had been praying for God to show me direction in my life, as my kiddos were getting bigger, I thought that it may be time for me to get a "real job"! I can tell you that when we found out I was pregnant, we were in total shock! We immediately recognized it as the answer to my prayer...though not the answer expected! We laughed so hard at the thought of us having another child! The instant we stopped laughing we said if it's a boy we will name him Isaac, because of the story of Abraham and Sarah. Not because this was the child that we had been waiting for, but because one of the meanings for Isaac is laughter. After about 5 months of pregnancy I started feeling pretty lousy, achy, tired...all of these things I attributed to the fact that I was now "an older Mom". Unfortunately I was experiencing some preterm labor signs that I did not recognize. I went to the doctor because I just felt like something wasn't right, I was 26 weeks pregnant...that was the day my life changed. I was dilated to three and was possibly leaking fluid. I was air evacted (against my judgement, I kept seeing dollar signs!) to Good Samaritan where they have one of the best NICU's in the southwest U.S. I lasted 3 days before I went into labor, and on 2-10-07 Dane Isaac was born weighing 2lbs 5oz. We had an unbelievable peace even though he was born so early, Chad and I new that God was in control. My world was ROCKED when on Dane's fourth day of life the doctor sat down and told me that Dane's brain was bleeding. She explained that there were levels of brain bleeds, grades I-IV...grade IV's being the worst. She told us that Dane had a grade IV on the left and II on the right, then went on to tell us that IF he survived he would have severe life long disabilities. He is now 6 months old (3 months adjusted) and this blog is about the wonderful way this miracle child has so richly blessed our lives!